Pippin Who
by radishesandspectraspects
Summary: What about second breakfast? Oh wait...I'll just use the Tardis...and then I can eat second breakfast as many times as I want! Wahoo! I love being a TimeHobbit!


**So, I was watching random episodes of Doctor Who this weekend and thought 'How about I make a really weird Lord of the Rings and Doctor Who crossover?'. And, obviously, that's what I did! Yay! **

**By the way, this is probably the weirdest thing I have ever written. Be warned.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or Doctor Who. Obviously.**

Pippin Who

"Oooweeeooooo weeeoooooo" sang Pippin as he flew recklessly around London, knocking into old buildings and destroying the Queen's rosebushes at Buckingham Palace. He had just recently been out at the Green Dragon with his best buddy Merry, and kind-of forgotten that it would have been a better idea to take a cab home. But screw that he's the Doctor. He can do whatever the hell he wants.

Pippin just missed crashing into Big Ben, but still accidentally caused the hands on the clock and a couple of bricks to come loose.

"Sorry Benny!" he called, "Look on the bright side! I helped you lose some weight!"

If the clock tower was animate it would have clobbered Pippin by now.

The crazy hobbit flew haphazardly through the streets, until he spotted a delicious looking cheesecake shop.

"CHEESECAKE!" screamed Pippin, and he flew the TARDIS straight into the shop window.

Glass shattered everywhere, and the TARDIS landed on it's side in the middle of the cake display. Doctor Pippin threw open the door of the TARDIS and bolted over the what remained on the once beautiful cheesecakes. He shoved the smashed piles of cake and icing into his mouth, munching loudly. Suddenly, a frightened looking hobbit peered in through the broken window at the cheesecake covered Doctor.

"Um..who the heck are you?!" asked the hobbit.

"'Ello Govena'! I'm the Doctor!" said Pippin through a mouthful of cake.

"What the hell are you doing in my shop?!" he squeaked, "I just baked those cakes!"

"Oh, uh...I'm...I'm a certified food-taster...person...thing." said Pippin.

"Uh huh." said the hobbit, obviously not buying it.

"I am! Look!" said Pippin, pulling out his physic paper.

"That's just a piece of paper with the words 'I hate pears' written in crayon." said the hobbit, who was beginning to get really creeped-out.

"Look, don't blame me. I just ate a phone book for breakfast!" said Pippin, flinging his arms out for emphasis. Unfortunately, that ended up splattering cake all over his TARDIS.

"Stevey no!" wailed Pippin, and his started licking up the splattered cake.

"Okay then," said the hobbit, pulling out his cellphone. "I'm just going to call my good friends at the insanity asylum to come pick you up and..."

"NOOOOOOOO!" screeched Pippin, snatching the phone out of the hobbit's hands and swallowing it whole.

"Hey!" yelled the hobbit, "That's my phone!"

"Correction. That WAS your phone. Now it is MY dessert." said Pippin matter-of-factually.

"You're insane!" yelled the hobbit.

"No, I'm the Doctor." replied Pippin, "But speaking of names, what's yours?"

"Frodo. Frodo Baggins." said the hobbit, "And I'm going to walk away now."

"No! Don't go!" wailed Pippin. "I'm just a poor, lonely 900 year old Time Hobbit! I wanna friend!"

"Well, I'm not going to be friends with a maniac." said Frodo coldly.

"That's racist!" screeched Pippin.

"Wha? No it's not." replied Frodo, backing away slowly.

Pippin fell silent. Then he opened his mouth as if he was about to say something...then he closed it again.

"Sombreros are cool." he said randomly.

"I can see that." said Frodo, referring to the gigantic sombrero Pippin was wearing, which he seemed to have filled the brim with chunks of cheesecake.

His red bow tie was covered with strawberry and chocolate icing and his tweed jacket smelled horribly like sweaty socks. Frodo backed away even more.

"Alright then, I best be off." said Pippin. He stuffed a final bit of cheesecake into his mouth and swaggered off into his TARDIS. Like a boss.

"See ya Yolo Swaggins!" said Pippin, waving from the TARDIS door. "I'll have to remember to come back here some time to eat more of your cheesecakes!"

Suddenly, Pippin seemed to have been struck with an idea.

"I know! You should come with me! Then I could eat your famous cheesecakes all the time!" said Pippin excitedly.

"Oh hell no!" yelled Frodo. "I'm not coming with some crazed maniac in a fancy blue box! I'm staying here!"

"Hmm, wait one second." said Pippin. He closed the doors, pulled a few levers, and the TARDIS disappeared from the shop. He immediately returned with a fat hobbit and a couple hundred kittens.

"Look! I kidnapped your best friend! Now you have to come with me!" said Pippin happily, "This is going to be fantastic!"

"Please let go of me." squeaked poor Samwise Gamgee.

"Argh! Sam!" yelled Frodo. "You got yourself captured again?!"

"So, what do you say?" asked Pippin excitedly.

"Fine, I'll come with you! God dammit!" yelled Frodo. He stomped into the TARDIS and slammed the door behind him.

"Yay! This is going to be so awesome!" squealed Pippin, squeezing one of the fluffy kittens in excitement, "Isn't that right Mister Fluffy?"

"Mew." said the kitten.

"Adventure Time!" yelled Pippin, "First stop, wherever the hell this broken machine takes us!"

"Wait...what?!" asked Frodo in a panic, but Pippin had already hit a button, blasting them all through time and space to their first adventure...


End file.
